Proverbs 5 - Ambivalence

Okay so I have been out of pocket for part of the holiday's and though I was originally going to play catch up, I have done enough of that this holiday season. I am just going to pick up with today's Proverb

5:6 She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.

Most people today, even those who claim Christianity, live and sleep with each other before marriage and they do not see this as sin. Even if they view it as sin, they are not going to change their ways. They look at the divorce rate and broken families all around them and would rather test drive the car before buying it. In many ways it is hard to argue with them because of the divorce rate. We, as Christians, have ripped the rug right out from under us. Our divorce rate is just as high as non-Christians. Still this does not make it right according to God's word. We profess one thing but do another. How are our children going to view this? When children see hypocrisy in part of our lives, they tend to view the rest of it through those glasses. I am doing my best to make sure that my kids do not see me as a hypocrite, but just as a person, who makes mistakes and learns from them.

One other thing that I want to add. This chapter is always very difficult because I have lived on the painful side of cheating too many times. Significantly, 21 years ago, I was cheated on by my fiance (of whom I lived with for 4 years), and my best friend (or so I thought). Also, for all that know me, I was cheated on by my wife several years ago. I cannot tell you how much pain this causes. It never goes away. You learn to live with it and get past it, but the reality of it is still there. It is like your father or mother dying. 21 years ago and I still remember the pain, I still feel like I was robbed, I still have to forgive. I am not sure I realized that until I ran across this ex-fiance's myspace page by accident. I had to do some re-examination and this Proverb came to mind. 21 years! This 1 incident has had an effect on all relationships I have ever had since then. After that first instance, I was very afraid of commitment for a long time afterward. By the time I finally did commit, it happened again. Where that leaves me now is a very difficult place. I have found that I am not willing to open my heart to anyone and I have pretty much shut out the world. I only have room for my kids and they will eventually leave.